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Life as software
Life as software
To Technical Support:
Last year I have made an upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new programme started making unexpected changes on accounting software, strongly limiting access to applications for clothes, flowers and jewelry, which functioned perfectly under Boyfriend 5.0. In the product brochure such phenomenon was not mentioned.
Besides that, Husband 1.0 performs the uninstallation of many other significant programmes as are Dinner And Dancing 7.5, Cruise 2.3 and Evening at the Opera 6.1, and installs new unwanted programmes as are Card Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Mess All Around 4.5. Conversation 8.0 does not function any more and the system breaks down every time. Not under any conditions will he perform Changing Diapers 14.1 or Cleaning Flat 2.6. I have tried to repair Husband 1.0 by performing Nagging 5.3, but this multifunctional utility has a limited efficiency.
Can you help me?!
Sincerely yours,
Ana
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Reply by Technical Support:
Dear Ana,
This is a frequent problem women complain about, but it mainly appears because of the basic misconception. Many of them perform the upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, not knowing that Boyfriend 5.0 is only a package designed for FUN. However, Husband 1.0 is the OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed to perform as least applications as possible. Furthermore, you can not erase Husband 1.0 and get back to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 does not include that possibility. Hidden executive programmes inside the system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to irritate Husband 1.0, so nothing would be gained from this.
It is impossible to perform uninstallation, deletion or cleaning up of program files from the system, once they have been installed. Any new program files can be installed only once a year, because Husband 1.0 has a strongly limited memory. Messages of failure are frequent and normal part of Husband 1.0. In a desperate attempt to initiate some of their old time favorite applications, or to initiate a new one, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0 or Husband 2.0. However, those women end up with more problems than they had with Husband 1.0.
Look in the Manual under Warning: Divorce/Allimony. You will notice that this program functions badly, and with it comes Heartbreak 1.3. I suggest you keep Husband 1.0 and get used to capriciousness of this unusual and illogical system. Since I also have one Husband 1.0 installed, I suggest you read the whole chapter on General Mistakes in Community (GMC). That is a wonderful characteristic of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company, so that it is a part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 takes FULL responsibility for ALL mistakes and problems, no matter the cause. To activate this wonderful characteristic enter the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. Sometimes with this command you must perform Tears 6.2. Husband should then perform applications Apologizing 12.3 and Flower/Chocolate Box 7.
Advice: Avoid using this characteristic too often. That can cause additional and more serious GMC, and in the end you will have to perform the command C:\SORRY before the system returns to its normal functioning. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to perform Morose Silence 2.5 or, even worse, Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that creates files that are hard to delete - Fat Stomach and Loud Snoring. Save yourself the troubles and listen to this technical advice!
Remember! The system will function smoothly and take all the blame for GMC, but this fine characteristic enables him to perform all the applications done by Boyfriend 5.0 only occasionally. Husband 1.0 is an excellent program, but it has limited memory and can not learn new applications fast. Think about buying additional software to improve his performance. I recommend Warm Dish 3.0, Laundry 5.3 and Patience 10.1. When used together, these utilities can really help Husband 1.0 work without faults. After a few years of use, Husband 1.0 will become close and you will find many useful characteristics such as Repair Broken Things 2.1, Cuddling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.
Final warning! NEVER, under any circumstances, install Mother-in-law 1.0. This application is not supported, and causes the selective shutdown of operating system. Husband will perform only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother-in-law 1.0 is uninstalled.
